Originally written 11-6-2021
This is a fun dialogue about a king who was has recently taken command of a peculiar kingdom and is adjusting to the unique way the previous kings rules.
King dialogue
Squire dialogue
Castle: Throne Room
The king is uncomfortably fidgeting on his throne with levers sticking out of every inch of the jewel-studded chair.
Squire, come hither.
Yes, your majesty?
Why are there so many levers on this throne?
Our previous king wanted to ensure maximum efficiency on the throne.
Okay, so, say someone is threatening my life. What lever do I pull to send him away?
Where would you want him to go?
There are options?
Of course. The lever on your far right sends him to the sharks; the lever bottom left is the crocodiles; and the lever on your inner right leg sends him into the river.
Is there an option for a dungeon?
I do not believe so. Our previous king did not want to keep a dungeon in the castle for the risk of a prisoner's escape.
Okay, I guess that makes sense. What’s this lever near my foot?
That’s to send the jester back to his room.
Wait, like directly to his room?
Well, it is a fun slide; so it’s not direct, but it connects to his room.
A fun slide? Do I have a fun slide?
Indeed. The lever next to your scepter holder is a slide to your playroom.
Oh, excellent. But shouldn’t there be one that sends me somewhere safe in case there’s danger?
Oh, that would be the lever on your left.
Is it also a slide?
Yes sir. It slides you out of the castle and into the river. I would suggest removing heavy jewelry before using it.
Why so?
Our previous king wore a lot of jewelry and drowned in the river. It’s surprisingly deep.
Hm noted. So, what’s this lever near my crotch?
Ah, that’s the bathroom lever. Pull that and all your waste goes directly into the river.
Wait, so my escape lever, bathroom lever, and prisoner lever do the same thing?
Huh, I guess so.
Also, why do we have a crocodile AND a shark pit?
You’re mistaken, your majesty. The sharks and crocodiles reside in the river.
So, I just have several levers that just go directly into the river?
Not directly, those are also fun slides that loop around for a while before emptying into the river.
Do we have anyone at the end to check and see if the prisoners are being eaten?
Oh no, it would be impossible to tell. It is a very deep river.
Great, glad to know the prisoners had a fun time before getting released from judgment.
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